I hate my parents. I hate knowing that I will be 18 in 2 months, but still won't be able to make my own decisions after my birthday. It seems like I can't do anything right anymore. I've gotten yelled at 3 days in row now and I just want to leave but I have no where to go. First it was for "being rude" which I have supposedly been rude for 4 weeks now. Why didn't they say something the first week insead of waiting until now? I'm rude because I'm annoyed and I'm the type of person that has a hard time giving respect if I don't get any in return.I know that rule doesn't really apply to parents but it should.

Then it was because I told them about Blake. They said they aren't mad about his age, but that I didn't tell them about it right when I started talking to him. My mom thinks she knows everything about everyguy and that they all want the same thing. Well yeah, most guys only want one thing but there are some that want a relationship first and foremost. And you cant tell me that everything single guy hasn't thought about it at least once. She said its not me that she doesn't trust, but it's the guy that she doesn't trust. I told her that she is pretty much saying she doesn't trust me to be in a relationship with a guy, and I'm not smart enough to make the right decision myself. What is she going to do when I go to OSU in August? I can pick any guy that I want whether he is my age or 10 years older than me. I don't think she wants me to be happy at all in a relationship. She said that she is going to need to talk to the elders about it at church - she is so rediculous! What she doesn't understand is that he treats me soo much nicer than any guy in high school and isn't as immature. I really don't like the guys in my grade at north, nor any of the younger ones. And the first guy that happens to be somewhat interested in me in over a year, just happens to be older than me. It hurts.

And then I got yelled at today for not going to church. "You've been so busy with other stuff that you've forgotten about your family and church". Thats what they said. Yeah I know I haven't been to church in awhile but that's because of work and being so completely exhausted from all the other activities I have going on. And I don't feel comfortable at church; I don't like going on Sunday nights, which will probably be getting better now that LTC has started. But then again, I don't really even want to do LTC, I just am cuz it's my last year. And I don't really like going on Wednesday nights because I feel so out of place, and the group has changed soo much. Hardly any of the younger people respect Kent and class just isn't what it used to be. So of course my parents said you need to go talk to the elders, but it seems like the elders listen to kids just as much as they listen to the adults because they don't want to believe that anything is wrong with our church.

It feels like the two major parts of my life can't be happy together. When everything is good with my friends (which it rarely isn't nowdays), my family decides to go psycho. TJ is cool, theres nothing wrong with him but its my parents. They can't even get along with each other so why the heck are they yelling at me? Why can't everything all around be okay, not perfect or great, but just okay...

Currently Listening Dizzy up the Girl By Goo Goo Dolls Iris see related

It's been a couple of weeks, I know. Facebook is better I guess, but you don't really get to know whats going on with people like you do xanga. Well, lately I've been doing a lot but not really. I have a lot of stuff going on with the Sr. Slideshow IF YOU HAVEN'T TURNED IN YOUR BABY/RECENT PICS TURN THEM IN ASAP cuz it's just easier on me to have them before Feb. 28. I've gotta pick out music for it too, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.

A lot of times people write about God on here. I never really have, and that's because right now I am so far away from him. I want to come back but it's so hard because I don't know how and I feel like I don't deserve a second chance. And I am afraid that people won't think it's real because they know me for who I am. At OSU I'll be rooming with one of very best friends in the whole wide world, Meagan Glasgow, and I have a feeling that she will help me stay on the right track.

Speaking of OSU, I got a scholarship from there but I haven't gotten my acceptance letter yet so yeah. I'm sure I will though. I have a feeling that I am going to get my but kicked this semester. I have concurrent enrollment (which I don't think will be too bad), and Baker's AP class. That's what is going to be a problem, especially since I am a baseball manager now. I missed two days of class and feel so behind already because this weekend I've been in Jenks with the basketball team. They are doing really well, and hopefully will win again tonight since we are the defending champs of this tournament. It's beeen soo much fun with all the guys and what not.

Andie Robinson, Katie Anderson and I turned in a friends salute for the yearbook. I don't know what I would do without those two girls; they are my best girlfriends at school. Andie is already trying to figure out a way for all of us to go to prom together. Katie wil be moving into her new house soon there will probably be a sleepover or two happenin over there. As for guys, there is one that I'm interested in, but I don't really want to say a whole lot about it cuz then it will just go bad because I am so unlucky. He's a good guy though.

Currently Reading Oedipus Tyrannus; A New Translation. Passages from Ancient Authors. Religion and Psychology: Some Studies. Criticism (A Norton Critical Edition) By Sophocles see related

Hey I know its been a couple of weeks but I'm a busy girl with more important things to do. Lateley I've just been hanging out with my friends and going to basketball games. I seriously think I have more of a life this year than any other year in high school. Its great!

I've been reading Tuesday's with Morrie. It's one of the best books I've read because it really makes you think about what you believe about life and what you are going to do with it. I suggest you read it too.

The Christmas Dance or Winter Dance (whatever you call it) was the 17th. It was so much fun...at least before and after, the dance itself is gay. I looked amazing and so did all the girls that were with me, and the guys looked good too. I like going and seeing everyone dressed up, its fun. I have pictures but I don't know how to put them on here.

I'm leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow night, yeah Christmas Eve. I have to go visit my dad and step-mom and little brother. It sucks, I really don't want to go but seeing as how I'm not 18 I don't have a choice. I guess I'm just gonna have to try to make the best of it. So all I have to say is MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Currently Reading Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson By Mitch Albom see related